The sun is shining, the birds are singing, my vision board is complete… and life has suddenly taken a drastic turn.

I completed my vision board with a focused hope on finally confronting my past and healing deep wounds that I have been covering up for many years. I just want to be free from my own darkness and enjoy my simple little life. I know I have the power to achieve that freedom. I also want to elevate my wardrobe and home decor, and spend more time in the woods, petting moss and finding neat rocks with my friends. And I want to have confidence in my readiness to do what I need to do when I need to do it.

Ultimately, I want to work on my self-esteem. It’s been a roller coaster all my life. If you’re a woman reading this, I’m sure you can relate! That’s why I’m sharing all of this: because I love being alone, but I can’t stand feeling lonely. And that balance can be so transitory. 

 There have been many times in my life where a fleeting thought acknowledges that my confidence is through the roof. We don’t tend to think much about confidence when it’s thriving, at least not nearly as much as we do when it seems to have been trampled into the ground. For so long, and in so many unfair ways, it has just been easier to grieve the loss of my ability to hold my head high. But this grief is different.

When I am at my lowest, I just have to stop. My thoughts race by, but none of them want to be acknowledged. I spiral down and retreat into myself, lost in my own storm of doubt, mourning my ability to connect with others as it’s lost in the noise. Somewhere along the way though, I picked up a trusty tool that seems to utilize itself whenever I need it most: unbridled, relentless, and inflexible faith that everything will turn out better than I can imagine.

So about that drastic turn…

Long story short, I was forced to give my 30 days notice and find somewhere else to live just over a week ago. I live alone and have been wanting to move for a while, but not like this. Not on someone else’s terms. I wanted to plan so thoroughly that action came easy, like when I created my vision board. I also wanted to be financially ready. Oh well.

Luckily, I have somewhere to go. It’s a cute little place with half the space and it fits me and my cat perfectly. My dear friend even owns the building and lives in the other half, and although she wasn’t prepared for me to move in so quickly, she swept in with loving support and immediately gave me a key along with some steady reassurance. Suddenly, that frustration of being forced from my home of 5 years gave way to empowerment. I still have time to plan and take my steps accordingly. I still have faith that everything will fall into place because it always has.

Being forced to find a new home was certainly not on my vision board. Yet immediately after making that remark the first time, I looked again and saw the National Geographic cutout of a vulture peeking through leaves. I initially chose it because I love my fondness of the underappreciated parts of nature, the ones that are smelly and gross and more than a little creepy. Nature just does what it does, regardless of opinions, and that’s what I love about it. The vulture is watching, waiting. It’s ready. It knows by nature to seek opportunity and be alert. 

As Spring settles in with her gentle breezes and rustling new leaves, I realize I am more than ready to take on this transition. Yes, I did cry for three days. I will miss this home regardless of the past within these walls. But I too have been watching, waiting. I am ready. 

Part of me wants to keep crying, to find that once familiar void of darkness to scream into as I desperately seek reprieve from the challenges I’m facing; but retreat does not equal reprieve. I still got that opportunity I wanted after all, to plan carefully and take my next steps accordingly. In more than one way… it’s time to move! I’m terrified and I’m ready. 

The season of taking action is upon us. My faith remains strong that everything will turn out so much better than I expected. After all, so far, it always has. 

This is just my next step to enjoying my simple little life. If nothing else, my vision board said so. And I created it with my own hands and eyes, so I’m thinking I’m exactly where I need to be to *spring* into action.

I know I can’t be the only one facing big and immediate opportunities as the seasons transition. I hope you, too, can harness that faith when you need it. It’s always there and you always have access to it. As you take your next steps, remember that we are all walking our own journeys, taking collective action as creative women to live and move with the seasons as nature intended.

With unbridled, inflexible, and relentless faith,

 Caia Claire

Virtuosa Society Digital Media Manager